I used to fuck guys like you in prison

Movie Title: Road House (1989)

Road House was one of those movies that grew on me. When I first saw it (from my sister's LASER disc collection of all places), I thought it was a joke. I kinda thought that perhaps, director Rowdy Herrington was trying for a "black belt theater"-type of a movie that was prevalently shown in Southern California back in the 80's and early 90's. Of course, the "black belt theater" movies were Hong Kong martial arts flicks that were really crappy in acting and dialogue, but spectacular in action. The problem, I thought, was that the charm of Hong Kong-made martial arts movies do not carry over to American action films.

Still, there was something about the Road House movie that made me watch it several times on cable over the years. If you try to break it down, well, then, you need a life. But if you did anyways, you'll find so many plot holes, cheesy lines, and cliches that you'd want to switch chanel or turn off the TV.

But you didn't. Why? Because Road House was a guilty pleasure. It's a guy movie. Patrick Swayze made a movie for girls in Dirty Dancing two years earlier. Maybe he was compelled to make a guy movie to win back his macho image. I'm just sayin...

Patrick Swayze and Kelly Lynch stars in Road House

Of course, he drove a Euro car in this movie, not a muscle car. It was a nice 1986 Mercedes Benz 560 SEC.

The lines in Road House were so bad that they made you chuckle. The plot was so basic, that kudos ought to be handed out to Patrick Swayze for making the movie memorable through his character, Dalton. As a professional bouncer with a philosophy degree from NYU, Dalton used tai chi and martial arts to control physical pain. Or so it would seem. How else would he be able to tell Dr. Clay that "[p]ain don't hurt"?

While we're at it, why not hand out kudos to Rowdy Herrington and his film staff for polishing off an 80s movie in grand style. Released at the end of the 80's in May 1989, Road House was very much an 80's film bearing the time stamp of mullets, moussed-up and feathered hair, acid wash jeans, and monster trucks.

Also worth mentioning was the Road House movie band featuring Jeff Healey, a popular blues rock musician in the 80's who lost his sight as a baby. Jeff Healey also died of cancer in March 2, 2008. RIP.

Kelly Lynch as Dr. Clay in Road House and in a 2006 fundraiser.

Of course, we can't forget Kelly Lynch. Can't have a guy movie without a chick for the hero to win over. Kelly Lynch played Dr. Elizabeth Clay, the tall blonde local who became the object of Dalton's affection. Donning the popular big poofy hair of 80s fashion, Kelly Lynch was one of the few girls in the world who can make a table cloth look really sexy.

Road House Movie Quotes

Pain don't hurt.

I used to fuck guys like you in prison.

All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone.

If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal.

I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.

If you're gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash.

Oh man, it's a mean scene around here, man. There's blood on the floor of this joint every night.

Patrick Swayze (1952-2009) RIP